Life in a state that has yet to restart its golf season lends itself to a predictable routine, as Bently has come to appreciate
Remember the 2001 movie “Shallow Hal, ” a cruel, sophomoric comedy starring Jack Black? Lately, my days and weekends are starting to blend into one-dimensional, small-minded episodes.
Talk about spates of trivial pursuits. Try this inconsequential daily routine:
Wake up. Let the dog out. Check weather forecast. Read morning paper. Feed the dog. Check emails. Slip out of night pajamas into gym clothes. Slurp down OJ. Go for three-mile jog. Walk the dog. Read the paper (again). Check emails (again). Slurp down OJ (again). Check weather (again.) Eat. Slip into day pajamas (again).
Right before the coronavirus hit (not that I am counting, but the lockdown started March 23), every day was exciting. My days were filled with challenges and obstacles. It was a blast to make a list of 10 things to do, and then check off eight of them. For me, that was a great day. I miss those days.
The world has changed since this voluntary quarantine started. I don’t have COVID-19, and I don’t want it. Strange, but after all the numbers are dissected, I don’t know anyone who has it nor anyone who has died from it.
When your whole day looks like a blank chalkboard, what could be worse than the governor issuing a golf ban? I’d do anything to play 18 holes. There are 38 states allowing golf. Never would I think my priority is feeding me and my trusty Cavalier King Charles spaniel, Bently.
My shallow daily routine can be summarized in 10 essential questions:
1. What do I want for breakfast?
2. Has Bently been let out?
3. What does Bently want for breakfast?
4. What do I want for lunch?
5. What route should I take to walk Bently?
6. Has the golf ban been lifted?
7. What’s my Netflix choice for tonight?
8. Is it too early to start drinking?
9. What do I want for dinner?
10. What (expletive) day is it?
We are told by government officials that everything will reopen May 4. No sports. No golf. I refuse to watch reruns on Golf Channel. And, I don’t dare step onto the scale. You’ve heard of the “freshman 15”? Well, I’m looking at the “corona 15.” In the past five weeks, I have overloaded on corny, uninspiring movies, including a few absurd reality shows.
Today, at this unimportant moment in Massachusetts golf lockdown time, I have one grueling, compelling question: Am I desperate enough to watch (again) the entire seven -episode series of “Tiger King”?
Eat. Sleep. Watch Netflix. Repeat.
How shallow is your day?
(Gorman is the publisher of www.newengland.golf.)
Ready for the real stuff
As a septuagenarian, I love golf's history. I truly enjoyed watching "Shell's Wonderful World of Golf" and "Big Three Golf" back in the early 1960s. Sure, they were taped, but they were live to me. They had excitement. Every hole.
I have to concede that I haven't watched one replay golf tournament during this lockdown – nor any other replay sport, for that matter. I prefer "reality" TV, where the outcome is always in doubt.
Maybe it's because I am fortunate to live in southwest Florida and we are still playing golf, albeit under different “rules.”
I can't wait for the live stuff to restart. I'll be watching ... after my round.
Tell it like it is … please
Reader Larry Ashe said Gary McCord did not need to be rehired by CBS as his comments weren’t very funny and “sounded forced” (“From the Morning Read inbox,” April 28). I agree wholeheartedly. What makes CBS so bland and boring now is that its announcers are all “yes men” who simply don’t know how, or are afraid, to offer an opinion.
Announcers such as Brandel Chamblee and, before him, Johnny Miller and Paul Azinger aren’t afraid to say what’s on their mind. That is what makes their telecasts interesting and, often, controversial. We don’t need or want the party line or a bunch of contrived jokes. Give us announcers who tell us what they think and how they really feel.
Lou Body IV
To each, his own
To reader Larry Ashe: To each listener, the spoken words mean different things. I thoroughly enjoyed listening to Peter Kostis and Gary McCord, though you apparently did not (“From the Morning Read inbox,” April 28).
Compared to Davis Love III and whomever CBS decides to add, Kostis and McCord overpower them in knowledge and entertainment, in my ears’ opinion.
Then again, they’re my ears, and yours hear it differently. so that’s what makes the world go ’round.
The Villages, Fla.
A cringe-worthy commentary
I just finished Frank Blauch’s letter to the editor regarding setting limits to the Hall of Fame in which Blauch conceded to “cringe a little bit” at the thought of three-time major champions Padraig Harrington and Larry Nelson (“From the Morning Read inbox,” April 27).
Really? He also took a shot at Hubie Green. Did he even do a search to look up their records?
I, for one, am glad that Blauch has nothing to do with that election, as all are more than deserving.
Middleburg Heights, Ohio
(Coleman is a member of the PGA of America.)
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